Spring Cleaning

It's spring and that means people are taking to their front yards, doing bed cleanouts, and dabbling in some landscaping.  Spring fever hits and suddenly everyone is a professional designer.

Most neighbors do the usual bed cleanout and plant a couple begonias in the front of the house.  Others are a little more experimental and add some hardscape like brick edging.  Yet others add the predictable wood barrel partially buried with some flowers growing out of it. Then there are those who are a tad design challenged. I'll address them next.

Take for instance the neighbor with the corner lot right at the entry of our neighborhood.  He's got a bare wood tractor sitting in the front lawn with wood, octagon-shaped wheels.  It's not your Paw Paw's John Deer, that's for certain. Very groovy.  Can't wait to see it turn drab grey as the sun and weather do their usual duty.

Then there was the neighbor who removed every bush and plant around the house.  I'm still wondering just how they thought that was a good idea.

Of course there is also the neighbor who thought placing boulders strategically throughout the front lawn made it look somehow, well, mountainesque.  I hate to break the news to them that it looks like they strategically placed boulders in their yard. Imagine having to mow and edge that.

Then there is that very special neighbor.  We all have one.  The uber-exuberant vet who has the biggest badest-ass flag pole and flag. Though they gave up playing taps daily, instead it is lit like Circus Circus in Las Vegas. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being patriotic, it is actually encouraged.  It's just that some neighbors take it just a teensy bit too far.

Like the neighbor on the end of my street.  He has a corner lot with ample room to be a bit more adventurous. His decoration stints started with some unusual objet d'art. In the beginning there was the mound of dirt in the front yard that I took photos of because I thought he buried a dead body there.

Next came a dirt State of Texas outline and large cement placard with their name on it, which sported a black plastic bag for a while, I suppose in anticipation of all the flowers, grass, and weeds that came next. To help hold up the dirt which continually weathered away through the natural process of water and wind erosion, he added boulders all around it. As if.

Next came the holidays. There was the life-sized witch lit to perfection with her portrait covering the whole side of the house, then there was the life-sized turkey for Thanksgiving, which was actually kind of creepy.  Of course next came the Christmas decorations with a massive wood present.  Then came the wooden, life-sized, red-painted, replica airplane, which much to the chagrin of several neighbors has remained ever since.

More recently there has been a flurry of hammering and sawing activity.  I am convinced the man is turning the house into some sort of shrine. For two weeks he had his fence-line expanded, probably illegally because I don't recall seeing any flags stabbed into the lawn.  He even had a cement truck come pour what can be described as an entrance landing pad, to an area I can only surmise will be a gate. Same said cement truck also poured channels of cement from where metal fence posts are now protruding rather unevenly.

And now this evening I am informed by my husband that the neighbor has built a huge wood POW billboard along the entire side of his house.  I mean seriously, the man is leaving me in a state of perpetual WTFs daily. I know you want him for your neighbor don't you?

We certainly thought of moving to one of the nicer neighborhoods as they sprang up over the years since we moved here, but it really isn't cost effective or very financially sound to spend that kind of money on realtor fees as well as costs associated with moving when we would only be going a couple of miles. For us to move, we would have to be going a whole lot further than across the street. 

I am hoping somehow, somewhere there is a City of Wylie Ordinance that covers this sort of nuisance neighbor. At this point I am wondering if it is time to gather the other neighbors to my bosom and perform a much needed intervention.