Armchair Politician

I keep being told about these stories of armchair politicians.  The ones who call people into their office and open up the liquor cabinet and then proceed to woo their new prey with their amazing stories and feats.  That same old story has been told over and over again by men and women all over Wylie.  New pals enter the picture, are fed a little alcohol, patted on the fanny and lobbed toward a board or council.  I can name a dozen current and past city players at least who have been hand selected for that gauntlet.  Once the new crony gets elected or appointed, the good old boys lean on them to let their will be done.  Sounds almost biblical, doesn’t it?    

I got to thinking about this.  Just so there are no surprises, because we already know how the armchairs roll, their game is old.  I’m going to show my hand, I will run for council.  You see, I’m banking on the armchair politicians to scramble in a sort of Laurel and Hardy effort over the next year as they attempt to dig someone out from under one of their rocks.  I imagine them all atwitter because that woman is going to run.  They still have been unsuccessful in figuring me out.  They won’t know which end is up, will I run, won’t I run?  Yeah, that’s some fun shit right there.  Politics Detroit style.  Yes, I grew up under the tutelage of Mayor Coleman Young.  Hells if I get on council, I’ll start getting every new building in Wylie named after me.  I can just see it now… name in lights. 

It’s all fun and games my dear readers.  After all, politics in Wylie seem to be nothing more than a big game of poker where the smoke drifts in and out of the mirrors on the wall and there is always some master puppeteer with their hand up the backside of someone, working the mouthpiece.  Because of this, I think I should file for Place 1, Councilman David Goss’ seat.  You see, two can play that armchair politician game and I’ve been doing it from the keyboard and a big-ass touch screen but I can do it as a candidate too.  I won’t even have to leave my screen except to file. 

This time next year I think I should run against Councilman Goss and God willing, he will run too.  Yes, two conservatives for the same seat.  Won’t it be fun when the good old armchair politicians ante up one of their liberal pals to run against us?  I mean, who in their right mind will make it a 4 way race?  But what fun if they did!  All the better, we’ll play that old game of odds I learned all too well in my college probability class.  We’ll find another conservative or two to run as well.  Yes! Yes! Yes!  Damn it’s almost as good as sex just thinking about it.  It will force a runoff and my Wylie conservative friends, that is the best thing you could hope for because the odds will be stacked against the liberals and it will almost guarantee a conservative in the runoff.  Ah yes, I can just see it now.  Councilman Goss will slip easily back into his seat and it won’t matter an ant hill or two what Councilwoman Kathy Spillyards does with her seat.  See how politics are played in Wylie?   Hey, I learned from the best.