Along for the Ride

Without fail, every time I feel like I'm doing well and things are going my way, something happens to ground me again.

God always lets me know when I'm getting a little too big for my britches. Like the time I went balls to the wall for my 'dream job'. Sure the job sounded fantastic on paper, but in reality my employer was a total rat bastard and his wife was just plain manipulative and hostile.  It wasn't like all the signs weren't there when I interviewed, because they were.  He was the male version of a broom-riding witch and when I was forced to interview with the wife, she spent the whole interview complaining about what were to become my employees, as well as the woman I was replacing and it wasn't just your run of the mill complaints either. She went so far as to state one employee looked like she shopped at K-Mart for her clothes, and that she came into work looking like she just rolled out of bed, and oh that hair!  It was just so stringy and dirty looking.  Sadly I chose to ignore the drama queen signs because, well, because it was just all about me.

Turns out the work environment was so piss poor, and I stayed for so long hoping beyond hope that I could somehow make it all work out, that I honestly couldn't see for looking.

There is nothing like chaining myself to the desk every day, so stressed out I had to eat at my desk just to keep up with their constantly changing demands, trying to do everything possible to make the man and his wife happy. A true and veritable impossibility because they were clearly not happy with anything, ever.  Had my eyes been open at the time, rather than living in what I like to call my Piscean dreamworld that I spend a great deal of time in, I would have never taken that job and saved myself a year of aggravation. So much for heeding my own plan.

Not that this woman's complaints were unfounded.  Even she was unaware of the time this employee she complained about brought in a baby squirrel who had lost its mother.  The employee would use a Q-tip to rub its belly to make it go poop. No lie.

In fact, it was when I discovered that this same employee got the company to pay for a new server, and it wasn't cheap folks, and then just set it on the floor of the IT closet because she didn't know how to hook it up, that the issue really escalated.  I wanted to let her go and my boss, the crotchety hubbers agreed. Evidently the wife did not, and my understanding is that employee is still working there but part time for the wife because she was too incompetent to continue on in the job I said she was too incompetent for.  Go figure.

Eventually the situation deteriorated to the point that in another conflict over that same employee, the wife violently slammed my office door, shaking the whole office building, as she threatened my job. Keep in mind, she was just officing in our offices, she was not my boss but you can imagine how fruitless it would be to complain to my boss about his wife.

Suffice to say, I humbly picked up my coat and purse and walked out wondering what the hell I was doing there in the first place? Why had I allowed these people to treat me with such flagrant hostility?  Money and power, oh yes, that's right. As you can imagine, the financial hardship came dear, but God had a way of taking care of things and putting me back in my place. I am running His show now, not mine.  Or at least I try to remember this, that is until my britches start shrinking again.

Another example happened just today. I've been preparing for my son's graduation party for the past few weeks. The garden is presentable, the house is clean and prettied up, and the menus are planned.  I have all manner of Martha Stewartesque food and drink 'stations' prepared for setup, and I was feeling all sorts of amazing about this.  Then my son came home from school early and told me the interior lights, a/c, and windows suddenly stopped working in his car.  Ya well, I can only imagine just how much that is going to set us back. 

Now it wasn't as if we did not know the vehicle needed some work. Recall here that the hubs puts a ridiculous amount of miles on his vehicle, so when he passed it down to the child unit we had hoped it would last through the summer before we had to commit any real funds to it. But suddenly we are faced with the enormity of it all, now, 3 days before my son's graduation, with family coming into town from NYC and OKC, with my son's need to get back and forth to Garland for rehearsals on their musical.  It is, and frankly I say this as politely as I can, the most inopportune time to be without that extra vehicle.  

As you can imagine, I had been merrily putting my resources into making this party nice, but for who?  In an instant I realized that it is not about me, or the house, or the food. This is about celebrating my son's great achievement. Oh and God let me know that, to be sure. In fact I will probably know that for quite a while as I pay off a hefty repair bill.

Humbly I write this, in awe as usual, and hyper-aware that it is God's plan that I am on, not my own.  This is crystal clear. Oh the vehicle situation will work itself out eventually, but the party?  Not so important anymore.  Celebrating my son's graduation has replace my need to be the ultimate party girl and hostess with the mostest and I am once again just along for the ride.